NEW YORK, New York (DH) —Despite high ratings and record numbers, CNN can now project Situation Room host Wolf Blitzer a sad and miserable man. Blitzer plans on hitting the sack earlier than usual tonight in anticipation for the thrilling, albeit low-stake Mississippi primary. Blitzer insists on reporting on this southern state with the same enthusiasm he did with past primaries, such as the Potomac ring and February’s Super Tuesday. Despite his professional earnestness and genuine integrity, Blitzer cannot help but ask himself the question: “What am I doing? Who really gives a flying fuck about the Mississippi primary, anyway?”
The CNN Situation Room host nurses a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in one hand and his TV remote in another. “See look and listen to Chris Matthews. He’s got things to say, he’s got shit to report.
“And me? What—how many delegates are at stake in Mississippi, really? Who needs to hear about this banal minutia, anyway? I’m just an exploitative, lame-sacked hack.”
As the eyes of Americans are fixed on Mississippi this week, Wolf Blitzer’s stream self-deprecating tears in a salty gaze of the thirty-two big screen HD monitors in CNN’s Election Center studio.
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