SALVADOR, Honduras (DH)-Despite his eagerness to "rub the lotion on the skin" of young central American women, famed serial killer Buffalo Bill finds himself confounded by Spanish grammatical translation. "The infinitive of the word 'rub' in Spanish is 'rozar,' and yet I find the conjugation to be abnormal to that of the rule of regular -ar ending verbs."
"How can I intimidate these central American women to the point of shit-shrieking fear if I can't even get my Spanish commands conjugated correctly? I mean, this makes shit a whole lot harder. Where was Mr. Larson in 9th grade when I needed him?"
The American Civil Liberties Union supports the position of said killer and claims that this is a "perfect example of how the American public schools are in favor of discriminating against "those who need more hugs."
Meanwhile, conservative pundits and talk show hosts have slammed the ACLU for its position, stating that, "In order to protect the legal rights of an individual, the individual's behavior needs to be within the confines of the law. This man is a killer. This is America. In America we should not support the rights of killers."
The ACLU retorted, "You are a poopy face, Bill O'Reilly."
Meanwhile Buffalo Bill sits in a jail cell with Spanish Stucco and a flimsy mattress. Somehow, in the distraught horror of his sad situation, he's able to rub himself against the walls in pleasure. Speaking into the reflection of his unshaven face in the 2X1 window he mutters to himself.
"I'd still fuck me. Uni-linguals are hot. I don't need another language to say or know that I'd Fuck Me." Buffalo Bills awaits a hearing date of October 14th.
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