"Dude, Buffalo Bill! Bro, I'd Totally Fuck Me, Too!"

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (DH)-Yo, hear me out. It's not that I'm a violent person--hell, even if I was into that shit, I wouldn't have the rocks to do it, you know? But look, the cookie's gonna crumble whichever way, bro, and all I'm saying is that there's no need to get your jock in a twist.

I know, I know, these days of violence and crime, siding with criminals is heavily unpopular idea, but I hafta admit, after about two or three solid hours of checking out myself in the mirror from multiple angles, and a few Jag bombs, I can see what Buffalo Bill was saying. I'd totally fuck me.

Don't get me wrong, though, bro, not that I'm into that gay shit, I'm just sayin' that if I was some hot little piece of tail and I was sippin' off my fifth mojito at Williams or some shit, I'd probably get my ass over to the billiards table and work my shit. Cause, seriously--bro, I be not trippin'--look at me, I'm a brodelicious! Checkin' out my hot denim SC Johnson and Wax!

I'd give myself a brojob any day.

Buffalo Bill: Man, you a one sick sonabitch, but damn if I don't see whatchu talkin' about--What What!

So right on. And to those bros who be hatin', come on, what's wrong with catchin' a lil' peak in the mirror and thinkin', "Damn, either I be trippin', or I am one hot piece of Canadian Bro-Ass!"